WARNING: THE FOLLOWING COFFEE TABLE MAY BE HARMFUL IF WIELDED AGAINST A BICYCLE COMMUTER.
For those of you who may not know, you should look both ways before quickly crossing the street carrying an acrylic coffee table.
In the event that you fail to look both ways, you may inadvertently whack into a bicycle commuter who has no time or space to avoid you, removing a square inch or so of her flesh with your coffee table katana.
Please be advised: Bicycles are not as loud as diesel trucks, since they do NOT contain a loud diesel engine. Do not let yourself be lulled by the quiet approach of a cyclist. You MUST look both ways before you dart into the street. Just because you have seen a car approaching from one direction, and just because you are moving quickly to cross the street ahead of the car, and just because you do not hear a vehicle coming from the other direction, doesn't mean it is safe to step into the roadway. You must look both ways to avoid a collision.
Telling the bleeding cyclist that you wouldn't have hit her with a coffee table if she had been a loud car does not make her wound bleed less. Nor does it make you look smarter. (Although an apology is always appropriate when you hit someone with furniture.) The bicycle could have been an electric car, which - while not as large as a diesel truck - would have been considerably more harmful to you than, but equally as quiet as, a bicycle.
This announcement has been provided to the general public for the increased well-being of all road users. Please share the road peaceably.
3 comments:
another clear example of the sinister Swedish plot to dominate our freedom-loving society ... tempting the weak among us with inexpensive furnishings in large, sparse retail environs ... co-opting our need to cross the street in our peace-loving way, but distracting us all the while with their cheap, shiny trinkets of furniture ... taking us out one at a time
the Fins would never behave this way
But what does it mean when it was not a cheap piece of Swedish furniture crossing the road? In fact, it belonged to a certain nameless-for-the-time-being high-end vintage furnishings shop that sells exceedingly awesome and exceedingly expensive furniture. The common thread? The coffee table katana that Billi met in the road was probably a piece that the large Swedish cheap retailer, with their sinister plot, directly copied 40-50 years ago. In light of that, sage u/b, what do you think is the meaning of all this?
so ... i've been considering your point, and am less certain of my original postulation ... and have devised two possible scenarios
1) this was not an active attack, but the collateral effect of rampant conspicuous consumerism ... the wealthy displaying their disregard for economic realities as the working class struggles to make ends meet ... the wealthy parade about with blinders, unaware that their shallow attempts to be "groovy" and "fashionable" "strike" (with their uber-furnishings) the working class who have been struggling along in the "bicycle lane" of life .... ??????
or
2) ........ Dick Cheney
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